San Francisco Dreamin'
12 December 2007
She's a Longaberger Lady (Gasp!)
When I met JB those many, many (many) years ago, she was the finest of the fine dykes I had ever known. She had a masculine quality about her that I loved, while a very feminine part lie just under the surface. She would always deny that it (the femm) was there - but, really, it was there for all to see. Everyone saw it. Everyone, that is, except JB. Blinded by the light, I guess, and a quality I could never help but to love about her.
At that time (we're talking mid-seventies here), she was trim and fit, and even talked about building up her physique to be more like a football player. Personally, I couldn't really see that on her, but it was a self-image thing she had. To me she was eye candy, with only one drawback - she was not an experienced lover. Well, she is two years younger than me, so I let her off the hook about that. Experience definitely helped. And, boy howdy*, we sure did stack up the experience markers in those days. She has always been very sweet and very thoughtful, but I never could see her in the way she saw herself - butch and only butch.
Time marched on, our lives took different directions. Then, in the early 90's we got back together for good. We had both changed a lot over the years. We had mellowed, I guess you could say.
Except, JB asked me what I would think about having children? Well, I said, I didn't have any desire at all to have children, but I didn't have any objection to raising children. So, it came to be that JB is the bio-mom of both our girls. This has put her into the family mainstream, as it were. Being the stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) means that she has dealt with schools, families, moms, some dads, children on a daily basis, ad infinitum. Since we're both out in our community, she and the girls have integrated very well from the start. Integrated so well that she is often invited to our Mom-Friends' little gatherings and get-togethers.
I know that for a time last spring it was kind of getting her down being around het moms so much. Sometimes she doesn't feel as if she fits in, although by all accounts she fits in very well. But, I think that she might feel just a bit lonely now and then. While I am often invited to these gatherings, I must admit that I rather be out in the garage or game room with the guys. It's an odd world in which we live...
At any rate, she surprised me several weeks ago when she went to a Longaberger party. Not only did she go, but we know none of these people, although she is acquainted with them, and she has not known them on a level where they know us. Ya know?
As it turns out, she surprised me even more when she decided to give a Longaberger party, and invited many of our mom-friends to it. So, I guess there was cross-over there. If you like their products, I suppose I could get you in touch with her. Just let me know...
Just the same, I don't know this woman.
I mean - Who is inhabiting my wife's body, and what have you done with her?
* Thanks to Maria for this phrase. I am quite taken with it!
At that time (we're talking mid-seventies here), she was trim and fit, and even talked about building up her physique to be more like a football player. Personally, I couldn't really see that on her, but it was a self-image thing she had. To me she was eye candy, with only one drawback - she was not an experienced lover. Well, she is two years younger than me, so I let her off the hook about that. Experience definitely helped. And, boy howdy*, we sure did stack up the experience markers in those days. She has always been very sweet and very thoughtful, but I never could see her in the way she saw herself - butch and only butch.
Time marched on, our lives took different directions. Then, in the early 90's we got back together for good. We had both changed a lot over the years. We had mellowed, I guess you could say.
Except, JB asked me what I would think about having children? Well, I said, I didn't have any desire at all to have children, but I didn't have any objection to raising children. So, it came to be that JB is the bio-mom of both our girls. This has put her into the family mainstream, as it were. Being the stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) means that she has dealt with schools, families, moms, some dads, children on a daily basis, ad infinitum. Since we're both out in our community, she and the girls have integrated very well from the start. Integrated so well that she is often invited to our Mom-Friends' little gatherings and get-togethers.
I know that for a time last spring it was kind of getting her down being around het moms so much. Sometimes she doesn't feel as if she fits in, although by all accounts she fits in very well. But, I think that she might feel just a bit lonely now and then. While I am often invited to these gatherings, I must admit that I rather be out in the garage or game room with the guys. It's an odd world in which we live...
At any rate, she surprised me several weeks ago when she went to a Longaberger party. Not only did she go, but we know none of these people, although she is acquainted with them, and she has not known them on a level where they know us. Ya know?
As it turns out, she surprised me even more when she decided to give a Longaberger party, and invited many of our mom-friends to it. So, I guess there was cross-over there. If you like their products, I suppose I could get you in touch with her. Just let me know...
Just the same, I don't know this woman.
I mean - Who is inhabiting my wife's body, and what have you done with her?
* Thanks to Maria for this phrase. I am quite taken with it!
Labels: token time
posted by Tawanda at 6:01 PM
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Wordless Wednesday
posted by Tawanda at 7:06 AM
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11 December 2007
It's a Date in the Making
Update: We decided to meet at their house for lunch at noon. Then we'll head to Yerba Buena in downtown SF where there is ice skating, Zeum (where kids can make music and claymation videos and other cool stuff), bowling, movies, big slides, and more. So, we should not lack for activity. Two boys and two girls - and 4 Moms. Wow, it ought to be fun at best, and diverting, at the worst!
Patois, you offered up the idea of going to the California Academy of Sciences. I sure do wish the new Academy was open, but it won't be for nearly another year. That, and the Steinhart Aquarium. They do have an alternate location, but we have been to the original location before the renovations began, so we want to wait for the Big Opening. That will really be exciting. Do check out their web pages. Wow. An over-whelming improvement over the originals. As Maria would say, "Boy Howdy!"
Lori thought the Exploratorium might be good. We've been there a lot of times over the years. I think the physical activity of skating will be so much more fun and engaging this time around. I liked it, but the girls are like,
"Again?" ;-)
So, if you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear a flower in your hair, and look for us on the Ice!
Patois, you offered up the idea of going to the California Academy of Sciences. I sure do wish the new Academy was open, but it won't be for nearly another year. That, and the Steinhart Aquarium. They do have an alternate location, but we have been to the original location before the renovations began, so we want to wait for the Big Opening. That will really be exciting. Do check out their web pages. Wow. An over-whelming improvement over the originals. As Maria would say, "Boy Howdy!"
Lori thought the Exploratorium might be good. We've been there a lot of times over the years. I think the physical activity of skating will be so much more fun and engaging this time around. I liked it, but the girls are like,
"Again?" ;-)
So, if you're going to San Francisco, be sure to wear a flower in your hair, and look for us on the Ice!
Labels: fun times
posted by Tawanda at 6:48 PM
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10 December 2007
What To Do on a First Date?
Continuing the saga and search for half-siblings... So, yes, we're trying to get together with the Moms of the girls' half-brother.
(Wow, does that sentence ever seem tortured. Could you write it any better? Please? I think the available terminology sucks, don't you?)
Last week we had settled on them coming out to our house in the suburbs. They live in the city of San Francisco. I know it would be a step down for them, but I am sure it would have been good for them as well. Then, this weekend, I asked JB,
"Hey, did you by any chance ask if anyone in their family is allergic to kitties or bunnies?"
Well, I would venture that you could answer that question yourself. One mom is allergic to both kitties and bunnies. So, a visit to our home is out of the question - at least this time of year. In warmer months, we usually entertain outside.
So we lobbed the ball back into their court - their response was that there is the Silliman Family Aquatic Center near Fremont - perhaps there? Well, it sounded good. Alas, the center closed today until Dec 19th - for maintenance we surmise. Darn! That would have been a lot of fun.
So, we're back to Square Two (since Square One was just finding a date that would work for all of us).
I wonder what will happen next...
(Wow, does that sentence ever seem tortured. Could you write it any better? Please? I think the available terminology sucks, don't you?)
Last week we had settled on them coming out to our house in the suburbs. They live in the city of San Francisco. I know it would be a step down for them, but I am sure it would have been good for them as well. Then, this weekend, I asked JB,
"Hey, did you by any chance ask if anyone in their family is allergic to kitties or bunnies?"
Well, I would venture that you could answer that question yourself. One mom is allergic to both kitties and bunnies. So, a visit to our home is out of the question - at least this time of year. In warmer months, we usually entertain outside.
So we lobbed the ball back into their court - their response was that there is the Silliman Family Aquatic Center near Fremont - perhaps there? Well, it sounded good. Alas, the center closed today until Dec 19th - for maintenance we surmise. Darn! That would have been a lot of fun.
So, we're back to Square Two (since Square One was just finding a date that would work for all of us).
I wonder what will happen next...
Labels: family
posted by Tawanda at 5:49 PM
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08 December 2007
What No One Tells You About Marriage Vol. 2
(Note: If you click the title of this post it will take you Maria's post of the same title - something that gives me food for thought today. - Thanks, Maria!)
I am not really a very kind person. I am an okay person. I am not a bad person, nor am I really a mean person. I do kind things occasionally, but mostly I just stay within myself. No matter what.
For some reason JB loves me no matter what. She is the definition of love. She is a very kind woman who gives a lot of herself. She wants the best for others, at the expense of herself. Sometimes I think she is crazy, and if she feels depressed at times, it is because she does not take care of herself. She takes care of everyone else. And, I love her maddeningly, totally and completely.
I think that our marriage is the embodiment of opposites attract. It's not always a pretty sight when these opposites collide, I can tell you that. I am sure that we have both questioned why we ever got together. But, I don't think we will ever be apart, either. We've known each other since the mid 70's, were together briefly, then circumstances sent us down different paths, and we have been together now, for good, since 1993.
We don't really argue much. She's very passive, and I can be aggressive; mostly passive-aggressive. I don't think we have been able to nip some of the on-going problems in the bud because neither one of us wants to go there. After reading Maria's post, I can see that we are not alone in this - even among therapists!
What I do know is that I am so very lucky to have her steadfast love. I would be a shadow of a woman with out it, grasping for that I cannot reach. I don't know why she loves me like she does.
I just know that this is the kind of love you do not take for granted, you do nothing to harm it, you hold it close and keep the flame, and hope that you will always deserve it.
I am not really a very kind person. I am an okay person. I am not a bad person, nor am I really a mean person. I do kind things occasionally, but mostly I just stay within myself. No matter what.
For some reason JB loves me no matter what. She is the definition of love. She is a very kind woman who gives a lot of herself. She wants the best for others, at the expense of herself. Sometimes I think she is crazy, and if she feels depressed at times, it is because she does not take care of herself. She takes care of everyone else. And, I love her maddeningly, totally and completely.
I think that our marriage is the embodiment of opposites attract. It's not always a pretty sight when these opposites collide, I can tell you that. I am sure that we have both questioned why we ever got together. But, I don't think we will ever be apart, either. We've known each other since the mid 70's, were together briefly, then circumstances sent us down different paths, and we have been together now, for good, since 1993.
We don't really argue much. She's very passive, and I can be aggressive; mostly passive-aggressive. I don't think we have been able to nip some of the on-going problems in the bud because neither one of us wants to go there. After reading Maria's post, I can see that we are not alone in this - even among therapists!
What I do know is that I am so very lucky to have her steadfast love. I would be a shadow of a woman with out it, grasping for that I cannot reach. I don't know why she loves me like she does.
I just know that this is the kind of love you do not take for granted, you do nothing to harm it, you hold it close and keep the flame, and hope that you will always deserve it.
Labels: marriage
posted by Tawanda at 4:27 PM
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07 December 2007
An Ordinary Mall in Omaha
We've been to Omaha - passing through, visiting friends. People there seem, oh I don't know, very mid-western. I mean, they go about their lives and their business with little pretense or airs. Like anyone in these United States, they are fun loving, heartful people who I would be proud to call a friend.
Two days ago a troubled young man took an assault rifle, and, for reasons known only to himself, he took the lives of (at least) eight people he did not know. Pre-meditated. People who were just going about their business, planning a wedding, wrapping presents, helping customers. People who got up that morning who had no idea that that day would be their last because of a troubled young man who had given no heart to the ripples of his cruelty he would inflict on the families and friends of those whose lives he claimed.
This kind of reality brings to mind the old compilation of Grimm's Fairy Tales. It is no stretch to think that the stories were based on facts. In the middle ages, I cannot help but wonder how much cruelty was inflicted that eventually resulted in stories to scare children into respecting the known and unknown people. At least it made sense.
The killing of people for no reason at all is so senseless as to be unfathomable. I cannot imagine being a family member or friend of one of those killed or injured. It is a bottomless pit of sadness to bear.
My heart goes out to them.
We hug a little longer, we hold a little closer. We are a little more wary.
Two days ago a troubled young man took an assault rifle, and, for reasons known only to himself, he took the lives of (at least) eight people he did not know. Pre-meditated. People who were just going about their business, planning a wedding, wrapping presents, helping customers. People who got up that morning who had no idea that that day would be their last because of a troubled young man who had given no heart to the ripples of his cruelty he would inflict on the families and friends of those whose lives he claimed.
This kind of reality brings to mind the old compilation of Grimm's Fairy Tales. It is no stretch to think that the stories were based on facts. In the middle ages, I cannot help but wonder how much cruelty was inflicted that eventually resulted in stories to scare children into respecting the known and unknown people. At least it made sense.
The killing of people for no reason at all is so senseless as to be unfathomable. I cannot imagine being a family member or friend of one of those killed or injured. It is a bottomless pit of sadness to bear.
My heart goes out to them.
We hug a little longer, we hold a little closer. We are a little more wary.
Labels: the news
posted by Tawanda at 2:07 PM
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06 December 2007
She's Been Absent Without Leave
Life has a funny way of changing on a dime. This time of year - from October through the end of January - is a time of birthdays, holidays, parties, pot-lucks, travel, and more holidays. Something had to give. You can guess what that was - yeah, and you'd be right - Blogging.
Recently, I was over on Logo's AfterEllen website where I made a comment on one of the vlogs, and then followed up a link to a wonderful blog in Belgium, Lula Bites. After that I decided it is very far past time that I need to be blogging again - I've neglected this blog way too long. Not a good thing.
Especially since I have news.
Do you recall my Sibling Update post? Well, we've exchanged many emails with the two moms who are lawyers, who have a son that is a half-sibling to both of our girls. Finally both families' schedules are such that we will finally be meeting next Saturday! Our talk with the girls went better than we had hoped, which I attribute to our wonderfulness as parents. ;-) Actually, they took it all in quite well, asked some topical questions about the donor, their half-siblings and about their families.
It will be interesting meeting their brother. Our family-lives couldn't be more different. They live in the City. They are Jewish (No big deal, I am part Jewish myself - blood, not religion.) His parents are both active in the GLBT community in San Francisco. By contrast, we live in the suburbs, we're not Jewish, the girls were baptised Lutheran, but we are not religious. We haven't been involved with the GLBT community since just after the birth of our elder daughter - instead we've melded with a 98% het society.
Oddly, we haven't spoken to them on the phone, yet. I would like to talk to them, so I am going to call their office tomorrow some time. Just to say, "Hey." I mean, it feels kind of rude not to talk at least once before we meet.
I am looking forward to this. And I am not. The uncertainty is killing me.
Oh, and Indiana Mom has not contacted me since I told her about our family. Don't know if that is coincidental, or not, some day we'll have to pick up that thread again.
Recently, I was over on Logo's AfterEllen website where I made a comment on one of the vlogs, and then followed up a link to a wonderful blog in Belgium, Lula Bites. After that I decided it is very far past time that I need to be blogging again - I've neglected this blog way too long. Not a good thing.
Especially since I have news.
Do you recall my Sibling Update post? Well, we've exchanged many emails with the two moms who are lawyers, who have a son that is a half-sibling to both of our girls. Finally both families' schedules are such that we will finally be meeting next Saturday! Our talk with the girls went better than we had hoped, which I attribute to our wonderfulness as parents. ;-) Actually, they took it all in quite well, asked some topical questions about the donor, their half-siblings and about their families.
It will be interesting meeting their brother. Our family-lives couldn't be more different. They live in the City. They are Jewish (No big deal, I am part Jewish myself - blood, not religion.) His parents are both active in the GLBT community in San Francisco. By contrast, we live in the suburbs, we're not Jewish, the girls were baptised Lutheran, but we are not religious. We haven't been involved with the GLBT community since just after the birth of our elder daughter - instead we've melded with a 98% het society.
Oddly, we haven't spoken to them on the phone, yet. I would like to talk to them, so I am going to call their office tomorrow some time. Just to say, "Hey." I mean, it feels kind of rude not to talk at least once before we meet.
I am looking forward to this. And I am not. The uncertainty is killing me.
Oh, and Indiana Mom has not contacted me since I told her about our family. Don't know if that is coincidental, or not, some day we'll have to pick up that thread again.
posted by Tawanda at 7:20 PM
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