San Francisco Dreamin'
20 September 2007
This Marriage Thing
I never really wanted to be married. Marriage always meant boundaries and financial responsibilities. I never even wanted kids. Not in my deck of cards, I thought.
So, it has always been with some small measure of ambivalence that I view the efforts by the gay community to gain marriage rights. This is not to say that I think that the effort is misguided. Not in the least. The right to marry is actually the the achievement of legal standing to co-mingle ones rights with that of one other person. In this country, it is the legal mingling of a male and a female rights to act as one entity - as a married couple. I want that for myself and my partner and our children. We do not have it. Instead we have reams of paper, powers of attorney, etc., attempting to find some level playing field with one marriage license.
No, I am certainly not opposed equality in marriage rights for gays and lesbians. I am proud to stand up for it as an institution for all, and I am proud that so many others are taking a stand as well.
It is just the personal side of the marriage thing that keeps coming back to me. Many years ago my proposal of marriage to JB was accepted.
I still don't know what I was thinking.
It must have been some damned romantic surge inside of me that goaded the question out into the open. I was possessed. Where did that come from? I wondered. Well, I was hopelessly in love, for one thing. Love, of course, has been known to addle the brain.
I am still hopelessly in love with my JB. And, I have never regretted beingmarried in a committed relationship - but I am reminded every day that we are not legally married. My paycheck reminds me. My last name reminds me. Filling out forms reminds me. Social Security reminds me - my own spouse cannot benefit from my social security. After all - our society won't allow it. Another reason why it is called "Social" Security?
It's a conundrum.
So, it has always been with some small measure of ambivalence that I view the efforts by the gay community to gain marriage rights. This is not to say that I think that the effort is misguided. Not in the least. The right to marry is actually the the achievement of legal standing to co-mingle ones rights with that of one other person. In this country, it is the legal mingling of a male and a female rights to act as one entity - as a married couple. I want that for myself and my partner and our children. We do not have it. Instead we have reams of paper, powers of attorney, etc., attempting to find some level playing field with one marriage license.
No, I am certainly not opposed equality in marriage rights for gays and lesbians. I am proud to stand up for it as an institution for all, and I am proud that so many others are taking a stand as well.
It is just the personal side of the marriage thing that keeps coming back to me. Many years ago my proposal of marriage to JB was accepted.
I still don't know what I was thinking.
It must have been some damned romantic surge inside of me that goaded the question out into the open. I was possessed. Where did that come from? I wondered. Well, I was hopelessly in love, for one thing. Love, of course, has been known to addle the brain.
I am still hopelessly in love with my JB. And, I have never regretted being
It's a conundrum.
Labels: marriage
posted by Tawanda at 3:51 PM
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