San Francisco Dreamin'
18 September 2007
Bringing Down the House
Vignette in time. A memory, from a time so long ago.
A bottomless pit grew in my stomach as I gazed over the grey ocean below. As I stood at the edge of the cliff, ice plant and moss under my feet, all I could think about was the woman I had loved for a brief time. My stomach did flip-flops as I recalled the intimate moments we had together.
It would never happen again.
The turmoil of the ocean was mirrored in my gut. How could life bring me to such a high only to dash everything down onto the rocks? How could I love with my whole being and find that love would not be returned in kind?
What else could I do? The rocks below, at the foot of the cliff, well they could be no more painful than the ones I had already been thrown to. The whole idea seemed appealing at that moment. I couldn't trust myself. I had lost her. It just would never happen again. There is no golden touch. I was lost. I don't even know if I knew where I was at that moment.
"Hey, Tawanda! What are you doing out here?"
It was Lynn, a co-worker. I hadn't heard her come up on me. She stirred me out of myself and back into the moment.
"Oh, hey. I was just watching the ocean." I didn't really want to talk to her. But she lingered anyway.
"Well, you sure looked like you were ready to jump or something."
Was it that obvious? I had no clear thought that I wanted to do anything like that. My body language must have spoken more loudly than I could know.
"Nah. I was just thinking. Stuff. You know."
And with that short exchange, I felt somehow renewed. Ready to build again. How can that be?
It just was.
And I started to live once again.
A bottomless pit grew in my stomach as I gazed over the grey ocean below. As I stood at the edge of the cliff, ice plant and moss under my feet, all I could think about was the woman I had loved for a brief time. My stomach did flip-flops as I recalled the intimate moments we had together.
It would never happen again.
The turmoil of the ocean was mirrored in my gut. How could life bring me to such a high only to dash everything down onto the rocks? How could I love with my whole being and find that love would not be returned in kind?
What else could I do? The rocks below, at the foot of the cliff, well they could be no more painful than the ones I had already been thrown to. The whole idea seemed appealing at that moment. I couldn't trust myself. I had lost her. It just would never happen again. There is no golden touch. I was lost. I don't even know if I knew where I was at that moment.
"Hey, Tawanda! What are you doing out here?"
It was Lynn, a co-worker. I hadn't heard her come up on me. She stirred me out of myself and back into the moment.
"Oh, hey. I was just watching the ocean." I didn't really want to talk to her. But she lingered anyway.
"Well, you sure looked like you were ready to jump or something."
Was it that obvious? I had no clear thought that I wanted to do anything like that. My body language must have spoken more loudly than I could know.
"Nah. I was just thinking. Stuff. You know."
And with that short exchange, I felt somehow renewed. Ready to build again. How can that be?
It just was.
And I started to live once again.
Labels: that girl
posted by Tawanda at 7:23 AM
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